Before I give an update on anything I want to say first it has just been physically and emotionally and in all other realms overwhelming to me how many people have made themselves available to us.  There have been people that we have just met who have become amazing supports to us here. There have been people who we haven’t seen or heard from in years that have made themselves available to us.  And also there are people we have known for years, but are now separated from us by miles who have come forward in just amazing ways.  Thank you, you have no idea how much I would like to be able to do something, anything for each of you or even just have the opportunity to look you all in the eye and shake your hand or give you hug.  Alas I can’t, but please hear me when I say thank you, it has meant an enormous amount to me and my family.  My kids have loved getting the mail, packages, crafts and treats.  I know that it has been encouraging for Greg to receive the emails, letters and packages and just recently to be able to talk to a few people on the phone.  We have had meals prepared for us so that I will have several days that I won’t have to give that any thought.  My kids have been on the adventure of their life having my dad to pal around with.  (I don’t know if there is anyone one from his lab that reads this, but thank you for allowing him this time.)  I want to say very much thank you for all that has been done to love and support us; also for this, which I will admit has been very difficult for me to accept.  I don’t know if it should be called independence or pride, but this one has always been a hard pill for me to swallow.  I have always liked and really insisted on only having things that my own hands have either made or provided.  After I had Everett, Greg and I made the decision that he would be the main provider this became a difficult mental and emotional obstacle for me.  I then had to expand a little out of my comfort zone and say only things that either my hands or Greg’s hands have made or provided.   During this time several people have come forward and offered us their financial support.   I don’t really even know what to do or say it has all just been so amazing and crazy and incredibly overwhelming.  This is a hard thing; almost an embarrassing thing for me to even talk about.  But I very much want to say Thank you!  Thank you everyone one for your amazing generosity.   I am finding I don’t yet have the emotional capability or capacity to process all of this, but I feel very cared for.  And I see my family being cared for and it makes me want to cry because I know there has been nothing that we have done to deserve this.

Several people have asked what our current situation is.  I wish I could answer this question.  I am very much a ducks in a row type of person and the unknowns tend to make me a little crazy and slightly irritable.  Right now we are in the midst of a complete unknown.  We had prepared ourselves I believe for Greg not being able to work for six to eight weeks after the surgery.  We were told that some people are cleared for work and driving right away, but most are able to go back to normal about six weeks after surgery.  I said before that I guess Greg and I were a little to optimistic or just plain ignorant to what our whole situation was.  We are learning more and more that Greg really had a very serious situation and that we are incredibly fortunate that he is doing as well as he is.  I will have to admit that both Greg and I understood (at least as much as one can) that there was a chance that he might not make it; or that he might end up on a ventilator or need to be tube fed for a period of time; for whatever reason we had come to grips with all of those.  The in-between things however we had given absolutely no thought to and they took us completely by surprise. We had given no thought to the possibility that Greg would have trouble walking, talking or even opening and closing his eyes.  That he would need help bathing, using the bathroom, brushing his teeth, eating, standing, getting dressed or even rolling over in bed.  Some of these things are getting better now, but again they never crossed our minds.  I don’t want to imply that I mind doing these things for him; in fact I have in no way minded being able to help in all of these areas.  My ability to physically help so that he doesn’t have to have some stranger take care of him has been the one thing that I have been able to offer Greg during this time.  I wish desperately I could have done more.  He was in so much pain and discomfort it was and still is my pleasure to assist in anything that I could, can or will have to in the future. 

Looking to the future is a little uncertain right now.  I have been assured that these things will get better in time.  I just have no idea how much time nor does anyone else.  If we are within several weeks of our initial estimate we will be ok after that I don’t really know.  The first step is getting him to a rehab unit.  The one here just happens to be the best.  We have the green light from everyone on this side, but we are now experiencing a little difficulty with our insurance company.  We will definitely get up there, but when is the big question.  I thought that we would have been up there last night and now I don’t even know if it will be tomorrow.  In the mean time we will continue to get therapy on the Neuro floor just not as much as I would like. 

Right now Greg is doing a little better every day.  I would say that his symptoms are all pretty much the same, but every day he is dealing with them better and better.  He still needs my help with all most everything, but he needs less and less of it every time.  I continue to stay with him.  I will admit now that the sleepless nights are starting to add up.  They have a love seat that I curl up on at night.  I started going down to the cafeteria two days ago in the morning after I get Greg’s breakfast going.  I had opportunities for food before then I just think that my nerves where so crazy I just had no appetite.  Other than that I am with Greg all day.  We have only needed the staff here for his medication I have otherwise been doing all of his cares.  I am thankful that I have the knowhow to do it.  Otherwise I fear I would go completely crazy feeling completely worthless.  Greg is more aware of his surrounding and what is going on I know he physically could handle me leaving, he would probably have to wait longer for help then he would want to, but I think he could physically do it. Emotionally I think it would be too much.  He saw his face in the mirror for the first time the other day and I think it scared him.  Again neither of us had expected this. 

So to not answer the question of “what exactly our current situation is.”  I just don’t know.  I don’t know when he will be able to get out of the hospital.  I don’t know when he will be able to drive or go back to work.  I don’t know how much physical assistance he will need when he comes home.  So I don’t know what to do about finding a job.  All I can do right now is ask for prayer, because I am just as much in the dark as everyone else.  I hope none of that sound to dramatic.  I understand that things will get better, I just don’t know when.   I am perfectly fine working; in fact I would probably mentally do much better being able to be productive and useful.   I just don’t want to jump into that and then realize in a week that I either won’t be able to leave Greg at home alone or that I won’t be able to leave Greg alone with the kids. 

So for right now just pray for some answers or guidance for me as I navigate through all of this.  I in no way want people to come away from this feeling like things are desperate.  I know that things will work out.  Like I said I just get a little cranky when I can’t see what’s around the corner.  These are things that I struggle with in my mind.  Wanting to know or to control or see the future.  God was showing me all of this at the beginning of this journey and at some point I lost focus of what he had shown me and I became distracted once again with all of the what ifs.  God has shown himself to be trust worthy; he has shown himself to be present, active, invested and concerned.  I don’t know why that concept is so hard for me to hold on to.